Reality
by Monchy
Summary: ObiwanxAnakin slash. The only thing Anakin wants is to know that he exists, that he is real, but he can't allow himself the reality he needs
1. I

**Reality**

**I**

The first time Anakin saw rain was a few days after he arrived at Coruscant. When Obi-wan had explained him that in the capital, as in many other planets, rain was something common, he had given him a surprised exclamation and, without a second thought, had gone outside and had spent hours under the rain, feeling it wet his clothes. That first time, his master had laughed and had given him the pleasure of water.

As years went by, rain became his lifesaver, although it had gotten him more than one sickness and a few lectures form Obi-wan, who had understood his hobbie only that first time when he was in his sweet nine years. Nevertheless, it had still been a vital thing for him, and he had gotten under the water on every occasion he had had.

It helped him think. That was why now, even thought he was the independent knight Anakin Skywalker, he was in the balcony of his own rooms, cold drops going trough his body. The truth was the last thing he needed was to think or to feel, because that only took him to the most deep despair. But his feelings had been hunting him for years and the rain seem to hold every answer.

He felt suffocated by a Council that didn't trust him, by life rules in which he couldn't believe and by the negation of what was really inside him. He knew that was the way things should be, but he couldn't understand it, he couldn't reach that point in which every Jedi left his emotions aside to serve a more noble purpose. He knew what he wanted, and it was hard for him to accept that he would never have it because it was forbidden.

_There is no emotion; there is peace._

_There is no passion; there is serenity._

_There is no struggle; there is acceptance._

But they were only words. Sacred words, a guide to an eternity of good, but useless in the most important parts. There is no emotion, no passion, but it seems impossible to avoid them.

Anakin had held doubts on the Code ever since he learned it, telling himself as he grew up that every Jedi hadn't stopped feeling, that they had just repressed their sensations, every little thing that could connect them to the real world, time transforming them in senseless beings. But he wanted to feel, he wanted to be real, and that was why he liked to feel rain on him, remembering him that he existed.

"I guess you have new issues to solve", he had noticed Obi-wan's presence a few moments ago, but he had decided to wait for him to speak

"The Council doesn't trust me", he said, he eyes still closed and not facing his master

"I trust you", Obi-wan felt the smile on Anakin's lips and then sighed softly, "but no, the Council doesn't", the younger one nodded, never making any move to cover himself from the rain

Obi-wan was on the balcony's door, protected from the water, never being so fond of it as his former apprentice. He wanted to go to him, grab him by the ear and bring him inside, just as he used to do when, still being his padawan, Anakin had gotten under the water. But he wouldn't.

"I still think there are far better solutions, most of them not so risky for your health, don't you think?", the other one didn't answer, after all, they had had the same discussion quite a few times, "the least thing you could do was wear shoes", another part of the ritual that Obi-wan didn't seem to get was the fact that Anakin had to be bared footed, "you'll get sick, again"

"I like the rain", whispered Anakin

"I know Anakin, but I still don't understand it", when he heard that, Anakin opened his eyes and, with a slow movement, turned around and looked at his master with half closed eyes

"Come"

Obi-wan didn't feel like getting wet, or sick, but Anakin's firm voice that, strangely enough, sounded like an authoritarian plea, made him take one sep towards him.

"Wait", said Anakin raising one hand, "you've got to take of your boots", Obi-wan frowned, every second a little bit less convinced,"please", that was enough to make him go to his feet and start taking of his shoes

Anakin never asked for anything, he just took what he wanted, so getting a please out of him always meant something.

Bare footed, Obi-wan started to walk towards the other man, cursing silently when he felt the cold floor and drops starting to soak his clothing. He stopped next to Anakin, ignoring the shivers that went through his spine, trying to adjust to the frozen water.

"Close your eyes", whispered Anakin, closing his own. Obi-wan nodded and let his eyes fall shut, "I don't know if I can explain it but… its… you're the only thing that gets between the water and the floor, the only thing that stops the continuous sound. You're here, and you can assure it because you feel the cold from the drops, and the hard contact with the floor, a shiver once in a while… its almost painful, but it's a way to scream look at me, I'm here. I exist and I'm real… real", Obi-wan couldn't tell if it were Anakin's words or the almost hypnotic tone of his voice, but he got carried away with the emotions

Nonetheless, rain wasn't what he wanted or what Anakin needed. Without giving it a second thought, suffocated by the flow of emotions that went through hem, he took his hand to Anakin's, caressing with trembling fingers the other man's soft palm. He went through every finger of Anakin's hand with the same one from his own, finally entwining them without any pressure.

"Can you feel this?", Anakin opened his eyes, unconsciously driving them to their perfectly fitted hands. He raised his gaze to Obi-wan's face, eyes still closed, drops wetting his features. He looked at their hands again

"Yes, I do", he answered simply. Obi-wan opened his eyes then, looking for his

"This is real"

And it was. It was the only reality in which Anakin wanted to believe and the only one he wasn't allowed to have. Still, just for this time, he descended his lips upon Obi-wan's, staying still for a few seconds, feeling the softness of the other mouth against his.

He moved a little so he could put his other hand on Obi-wan's waist while he held his forearm. The continuity of the kiss came naturally, their lips parting and their tongues colliding in a deliberately slow but firm way. No moment from the kiss was rough, the way they held each other a simple support, their movements slow and rhythmic.

They separated slowly, Anakin letting his head fall on Obi-wan's shoulder, squeezing a little the hand he hadn't let go. Obi-wan imitated the gesture, biting his lower lip so he didn't had to break the moment so soon.

"It can't be", he whispered seconds after, an invisible hand stroking his chest

"I know", Anakin knew, but it hurt to deny what was so obvious

They stayed still for a few minutes, just embracing each other, the rain long forgotten between the heat of their bodies. It couldn't be and Anakin knew it, but it was real. When Obi-wan separated from him and, without another word, went inside the rooms, Anakin stayed outside the hours in which the rain remained.

TBC...


	2. II

**Darth Tank: **well, I guess that making your brain misfunction is a good thing, right? I'm glad you find it different, that's always a good compliment

**Deadly Little Miho: **thanks so much!

**Rianna Kenobi:** I'm glad you found it sweet, 'cause that's what I was looking for. And the "I'm here and I'm real" part, well... that's just the message. Hope you like it!

**Timespanned soul: **bittersweet, I guess that's the word to describe it. Thank you for your comment!

**Shella: **thank you very much, I like the fact people are finding it emotional. Thanks for the comment

**Yaoicreator: **lovely nickname... thank you very much... sweet and angsty, excatly what I was going for

**Kari-demon: **yes, yes, poor Ani, I'll hug him! (I guess I can keep dreaming...)

**silent-voices: **I'm glad you liked it, and I'm very pleased that thay seem on character and natural, because that's always hard to do. Thank you, and I hope you like this part as well

**Tranquil Uproar: **well, I gotta say I'm flatered. Thank you very much hugs

Well, I just wanted to say that some of you have pointed out that the use of hyphens is kinf of akward. I just wanted to say I'm sorry, it's just that I'm spanish, and in our language its use is the common thing. Anyway, I used commas in this part and I put them on the first part as well. I hope that's better.

Mmmm... this chapter is kind of violent, alright? Just wanted you to know

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**II **

Somewhere deep inside his mind, Anakin knew sex was not the answer, but in a short term it seemed like a pretty acceptable solution. While he kept thrusting strongly against that stranger, any kind of thought would melt into the fake pleasure.

He put one hand on the greasy wall of the room to get some balance, never stopping the hard movement inside that young man who sold his body. The truth was he could have gone to a bar, plastered on his face his charming smile and got someone for the night, but he just had hadn't the strength to stand the hypocrite pre-sex talk. Paying had sounded easier; he just wanted to forget.

The boy under him grabbed the sheets firmly, and he didn't repress any moan or groan. At least he was having a good time. Or maybe he was just faking; Anakin didn't care.

When he felt the orgasm, he caught the boy's hair in a firm grip, biting his lower lip strongly not to let any sound escape. When his breathing calmed a little, he pulled out and got up from the bed, walking towards the little bathroom that the room had. He cleaned himself with a towel and started to get dressed, wanting to get out of that depressing place as fast as possible. Nevertheless, when he had put on every peace of clothing, he noticed that something was missing: his sabre.

He took his gaze to the boy that was still on bed, getting only a regretful expression.

"What…", but before he had time to ask four big men entered the room, one of them holding his weapon

He felt an electrical shock on his back and, with an involuntary scream he fell to his knees. He raised his hand, looking for something heavy enough to manipulate, but a second shock on his left side made him lower it enough for one the men to take both of his arms to his back, tidying them in a painful position.

"You said you wouldn't hurt him!", screamed the boy from the bed

"Shut up!", with the yell he also got a hard smack on the face

"What… what do you want?", said Anakin, dragging the attention back to himself

But he got no answer, just a hard blow on the head. He fell to the floor but his eyes were still open and aware. That just got him another shock in his kidney, the pain making him arch his back. _There is no pain; there is healing. _But it hurt, and a second blow to his head was enough to make him black out.

When he opened his eyes, the first thing he felt was pain. All his body was starting to notice the mistreating, remembering him every wound. His own hands, tied to his back, dig painfully on his back so, ignoring the twinge in his ribs, he raised as much as he could.

He was in some kind of greasy cell. The only light was a yellow lamp that hung precariously from the much too high ceiling. Drops fell from the infinite leaks and he soon realised that the floor in which he was lying was soaked. His boots had been taken, as well as all of his upper clothing, leaving him in just his dark brown pants.

He looked around, almost expecting something. Did his attackers have a specific purpose or had they just seen a nice opportunity in holding a Jedi? If they expected to get some money from all that they clearly knew nothing of the Order. Jedi didn't buy their prisoners, specially when their kidnap had happened in questionable conditions.

The truth was a great part of the Council would be more than happy of seeing him disappear from the Order. He could almost picture Mace Windu lecturing anybody who even suggested looking for him. Obi-wan would defend him, but he wouldn't defy the Council. Perhaps it was better this way, ending up his days just as he had started them, being a poor slave with nothing to offer. That would help him forget.

"You're awake, Jedi", said a tall man while entering the place; he could have easily been one of the four men from the other time, but he couldn't be sure of it, "two days Jedi, two days and nobody is looking for you", two days unconscious; an involuntary shiver of fear going through him, "you must not be very important if nobody's looking for you"

_There is no fear; there is understanding._

The man grabbed his wrists in a strong grip, letting him go after dragging him for a few meters. From his position he could only hear two other different steps in the room.

"What do we do with him?"

"If nobody is going to come for him we could just sell him", the one who spoke put his foot between his stomach and the floor, making him roll until he was on his back again, "he's good enough to fill someone's bed"

"What if he is recognized?"

"We'll have to make sure he is not"

The first blow went to his side, which didn't surprise him much, people from the lower parts didn't vary their techniques when it came to beating. With some kicks they got exactly what they wanted: Anakin had to stay on his side, curled in an almost foetal position to stand the pain.

After that there were more kicks, most of them on his stomach and back, but he stopped caring. Pain was real, pain was screaming to every part of his body that he existed. He surprised himself by screaming when he felt a deep cut going from his pelvis to just below his ribcage.

"Good… I was starting to think we wouldn't hear you scream", said one of the men while he felt the hot blood falling to the floor

The next blows went to the opened wound, making him scream with a voice that didn't seem his own, but the true worries came upon him when he felt a kick on his head. Then there was a punch on his face, and he felt his right eyebrow opening right on top of his old scar. He watched blood falling on his face just like rain drops and he couldn't help but smile to the irony of the moment.

He was about to pass out when he heard a fourth kind of step inside the room. Then it came the sound of a lightsaber igniting and in a few seconds three unconscious bodies falling on his sides.

Before he allowed himself to completely black out, he felt his wrists getting freed and a pair of strong arms lifting him from the floor.

TBC... (just one more part to go!)


	3. III

**Deadly Little Miho: **thank you so much. yay! Waves little spanish flag

**Chupz: **well, I had to stop somewhere... Glad you liked it!

**La Luna: **gee, I didn't think it was scary... but Anakin was saved anyway... I'm glad you like the way I write the characters, that's pretty important, so thanks so much!

**silent-voices: **thank you, thank you! I'm so glad you like this (specially since I'm having such a hard time translating)... and I'm so glad it makes you actually feel something... thanks!

**ladylina: **thanks! Sorry it took this look...

**Tranquil Uproar: **I'm glad you like my style, that's very flattering, specially if it keeps you reading. Sorry it took so long. I think I've got to agree in the pimped out Ani part, anyway, things get better now...

**Darth Tank: **God, I'm so sorry this took so long, but here it is anyway... (I´m holidays too, but I've got to study which basically... sucks)

**Kari-demon: **glad there was relief hugs

**Himeno-kagome: **yay! Thank the Force for Obi!

**Shadows Run: **yeah, poor Anakin needs rescuing, and here's the rescuer!

**Overlord Niky: **I'm glad I let you on the edge of your seat and so sorry this took so long... anyway, thanks

**can´t rmember5713: **thanks a lot!

**timespanned soul: **I'm not so sure this is fluff... but it's romance at least (I hope). Sorry it took so long

**natures candy: **yay! Thanks!

**angelsgirl: **glad you liked it, (wow, you even felt somewhat related)... Thanks!

**darthmel: **I adore Obi/Ani too (my friends think it's an obssesion... yeah) Anyway, glad you're liking this

**darthmel93: **oh, well, you'll see... so sorry this took so long!

Finally, sorry everyone for taking so long in this chapter but my parents are visiting and they are driving me crazy and... chaos, crazy huge chaos!

* * *

**III**

Anakin woke up but decided not to open his eyes, his mind kind of confused. He was lying on a comfortable bed, his probably and still, his body told him that he was tired and hurt. Happenings from… how long had it been? reached his mind in the form of fast images, making worse the pain of some of his deeper wounds.

He decided to open his eyes just to be sure of his surroundings, but the sunlight made him cover his face with one hand. He half closed his eyes and took his arm away, trying to adapt himself to the rays of light that came from the windows of what was, indeed, his room at the Jedi Temple.

He raised a little, regretting it when he felt a stab of pain on his right side. He took his eyes to his abs, finding a scar that went through his stomach from his pelvis to his ribcage; he remembered it, a deep painful cut he hadn't expected. And a pair of arms, a pair of strong arms that had gotten him out of there.

"You're awake", whispered a soft voice

Anakin looked at the door where Obi-wan watched him with a severe expression, the one that he used to wear when, still as padawan and master, he did something stupid. A lecture was going to welcome him home, but perhaps this time he deserved it.

Obi-wan crossed his arms on his chest and, with a slow pace, reached Anakin's bed and sited on its edge still wearing that authoritarian expression, pressing his lips in that way Anakin had feared when younger.

"What you did was imprudent", started Obi-wan, "it was dangerous, useless, a complete and utter stupidity, I hope you know that", Anakin just nodded while he stared at his hands, "look at me, Anakin", it was automatic, blue eyes facing… grayish green ones? Anakin had never been able to define that color, "you will never do something like this again, do you understand? I've spent the worst two days of my life looking for you, hearing Mace's voice in my head repeating that you were probably dead. I don't care what you were looking for, what happened to you or what you needed, you will never do something like this to me again, do you hear me, the master's voice was severe, but a explosion of feelings went on behind it

_There is no emotion; there is peace._ But the truth was Obi-wan hadn't had a second of peace ever since Anakin had entered his life.

The younger one took his eyes from his former master, leaning his forehead into his shoulder, allowing himself a sigh when he felt Obi-wan's hand on his hair.

"I… I had to forget Obi-wan" , he said, "I was drowning"

"Do you feel any better?"

"No, master, but…"

"No buts, Anakin", cut Obi-wan, "never look for healing on strangers. If you're lucky it won't work, in worse cases all you might get are reopened wounds", unconsciously, Obi-wan's thumb caressed Anakin's right eyebrow where his old scar wearied a new wound

"I know", Anakin raised his head, looking for Obi-wan's eyes, "but… it's just that", he took a trembling hand to Obi-wan's face, caressing one cheek with just his fingertips, "I can't… I can't do this anymore"

"It can't be, Anakin"

"I know, but it's not fair"

Obi-wan nodded, taking Anakin's hand in his, wishing it stopped trembling. He lowered his gaze to the entwined fingers, not being able to avoid the thought that, indeed, that was real and perhaps, the only thing that mattered. He raised his eyes again and when he looked at Anakin, he decided to stop thinking.

Not giving himself a second to doubt, he leaned close to Anakin, joining their lips together. Their tongues played with conviction, as an affirmation that nothing would stop this. Obi-wan's movements were slow but firm, Anakin's more aggressive and urgent.

_There is no passion; there is serenity._ Obi-wan wanted to run to the Council room, stand in the middle, in front of everybody and scream there is passion, there is emotion, there is love and feelings as pure as those can't be a source of evil. But the truth was Obi-wan had decided to forget about the Council because his lips were playing with Anakin's, one of his hand caressing his naked chest while the other one stayed entwined with the other man's real one.

Obi-wan couldn't suppress a surprised sound when Anakin's cold metal hand went inside his robes, touching his chest.

"Is it cold?", whispered Anakin with a half smile, "it will get warmer"

Obi-wan nodded, taking his kisses to Anakin's neck while he started to free him of his upper clothing, showing quickly his naked chest. Anakin moved the sheet that was separating him from his master to the side when Obi-wan made the first movement to lye down. He leaned back a little and Obi-wan stood up, took of his boots and, slowly, put all of his weight an Anakin, getting a painful sound from him.

"I'm sorry", he whispered, caressing with his thumb the scar that went through his stomach

"It's all…", but the Obi-wan's tongue substituted his finger, to which Anakin had to gasp

Obi-wan smiled over Anakin's chest, taking his mouth to one of his dark nipples. One of his hands descended to his pelvis, stopping at his pulse point, while the other one went to Anakin's mouth. Panting, Anakin's tongue darted outside his mouth caressing Obi-wan's fingertips, getting a surprised moan from him. Raising his head a little he put part of the fingers into his mouth, never stopping to lick the fingertips. Obi-wan took his hand away, substituting it with his lips, melting into a more needy kiss.

Both of his hands went to the other man's waist, descending later to get rid of Anakin's pants. Anakin arched his back, allowing him to take of the piece of clothing easily. He had to separate from the kiss when Obi-wan's hand surrounded his erection firmly, making him bite his lip not to scream. At that moment, he put one of his legs around the other man's waist and, with a fast movement, he got on top.

Obi-wan became an incoherent mass of moans, groans and half words because suddenly, Anakin's lips and hands were everywhere, caressing, kissing, licking, repeating actions in addictive circles, making him say his name over and over again.

Anakin took advantage of the other man's movements to take off his last peace of clothing, both screaming when all their bodies made direct contact. Unconsciously, they started a rocking movement between their bodies while continuing with their caresses, kisses and moans. All Obi-wan could do was repeat Anakin's name.

This was real, this and not long afternoons getting cold under the rain. The only reality Anakin wanted to live in was one in which Obi-wan repeated his name again and again, his name and not a useless Code, his name and not some inhuman rules, his name and just his name.

They both knew there was no other act that could defy more their living way, but this was intimate and sensual. Anakin looked at Obi-wan, and both knew that was the truth, not the repressed diplomat master Kenobi or the powerful and aggressive knight Skywalker, but that tangible necessity of leaving every Mask in favor of something deeper.

A few moments later, Anakin took his fingers to Obi-wan's entrance, but he took them away.

"It doesn't matter", he whispered, looking into his eyes, "just… just…"

That was all he could say, because a wave of pleasure went trough him when Anakin penetrated him. He stayed still a few seconds, entwining his real hand with one of Obi wan's strong enough for his knuckles to turn white.

He started a slow rhythm, making it stronger, faster and harder by the second. He buried his face on Obi-wan's neck, shivering when he felt his fast breathing on his skin. Obi-wan let Anakin mark the movement, imitating it to make the contact firmer, whispering his name in his ear, gripping his back as if afraid of loosing him.

When the orgasm reached Anakin, he searched the other one's mouth, biting his lower lip strongly when Obi-wan finished between their stomachs. While their breathings slowed down, Anakin licked the blood that was coming out of Obi-wan's lip, kissing him later.

He pulled out and moved a little to the side, leaning his head on Obi-wan's chest and putting a possessive arm around his waist. Obi-wan buried one hand in the light curls, taking his gaze to the big windows.

"It's raining", he whispered, his voice hoarse

"If you stay here I don't care anymore"

"Anakin…", sighed Obi-wan, "it's complicated, this can't be", once the dream was over, reality came talking about consequences

"Excuse me?", the younger one lifted his face, looking for Obi-wan's eyes, "it can't be?"

"You know it"

"This is not a question of knowledge, Obi-wan!", exclaimed Anakin, "this has existed for years, it hasn't happened because we decided to accept the Code, but now… you can't, you can't say this!"

"Anakin, our lives have never been guided by our whishes, we can't let go now", Obi-wan raised to a sitting position, searching for a way to shut down the explosion of feelings that went behind Anakin's eyes

"I… I"

But that's all he said. He stood up abruptly and, putting his pants on, he left the room with strong steps. Obi-wan wasn't sure at which point he had left the bed, but he put on his own pants and went looking out for Anakin. He wasn't surprised when he found him in the balcony, rain drops caressing his naked chest.

He walked to him, not paying attention to the water, stopping next to him.

"Why?", whispered Anakin

"Because you needed it… because I needed it, but it's not real Anakin"

"Yes, it is!", he raised his face to look at his master, tears confusing with raindrops, "it's the only thing in my life that has been real, and all you wanted was a quick fuck! You could have saved me this, I don't want to be your whore, Obi-wan", he was willing to say more, but a much too soft slap caressed his face

"Don't you talk to me like that", Obi-wan's breathing was fast and his movements shaky, but he put his hands on Anakin's face and forced him to look at him, "I love you, you know it Anakin, I love you, but it can't be", Obi-wan wondered where had his necessity to defy the Order gone, "it can't be"

Anakin nodded, leaning his cheek on Obi-wan's shoulder and embracing his waist.

"Will you love me forever?", he whispered

"Always"

"There is no emotion, there is peace"

"Anakin…"

"There is no struggle, there is acceptance. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion…"

"Anakin, please"

"There is serenity. There is no death, there is the Force… they are just words, Obi-wan"

"They are much more that that and you know it, Anakin", Obi-wan sighed, looking for a better explanation, "you… you said that you used the rain to feel real… the Code is real, is our reality, our life, our…"

"Suffering", cut Anakin, "our repression, our hypocrisy", Anakin took Obi-wan's hand and put it on his chest, pressing his palm so he could feel his fast heartbeat, "do you feel this?"

"Yes, I do"

"This is real… kiss me, Obi-wan"

And he did. Under the rain, their lips met slowly, their bodies hugged strongly feeling every part of the other one on their skin. Obi-wan forgot the Code, Anakin forgot the rain. And there was just reality.

FIN


End file.
